hello

My name is Ellen. 

I'm tall, a bit unusual, an art student, a lover of music, a follower of Christ, prone to have paint in my hair, attracted to cuteness, super good at super nintendo, and I don't eat meat...a few things to help break the ice. I'm also newly engaged to the love of my life and have pretty much made permanent residence on cloud nine because of it. 

He's everything I've dreamed of and searched for. He's my prince, my heartthrob, my only one and only. :) I am smitten. the fork is in me- I am done! I have swooned and I have fallen, and I continue to plummet deeper and deeper in love with every moment I spend with or think of my Andy.

I know, I know- the way I'm describing everything is a little bit too corny and cliche, and probably kinda nauseating... but honestly I am not fudging this. I am so thankful and thrilled to have Andrew.  He is unlike anyone I've ever dated, let alone ever known.  To me, he shines and glows, and is set apart from everyone else.  Its like God put a big, floating neon arrow above his head that only I can see, pointing that he's the one. haha that's a funny picture...

I want to tell about how he found me, how God brought us together, and the wonder that has sprung from our relationship so far, but first, I'll say a little about me.

I'm the quiet type. Now, you gotta be careful with the quiet type. They think and ponder and stew and let thoughts generate and grow until they combust or self implode. So, to combat this quietness, God gave me gifts, skills, and incredible interest in the world of art. Art, music, theatre and just general creativity have been vessels of growth in my life.  

I learned math by singing, how to read through drawing, and how to play and interact with others through simple theatre and make believe. Each linked with the next.

I was home schooled when I was young. Some say that that is the reason for my quiet and shy nature. That since I was home schooled, I relied on my mother an family to speak and interact with the world for me (which well, I did... lol)  but I say it is the reason for all my good grades and ease in learning and academic success once I attended public school. My mother knew who I was and understood the little mind God gave me, and taught me accordingly.

As I grew, my quietness dwindled from the painfully shy little girl who wouldn't say a word to anyone outside her family to the reserved funny, smart girl who would come out of her shell once the radio came on. Its funny, looking back at where you came... many things never change.

In high school and college, my shyness pretty much evaporated.  I went to an art school and studied the fine and performing arts.  I was incredibly secure in my abilities as an artist, my position as a young woman, and my identity as a Christian. But I still had some growing left to do.

In my first years of college, I was in a relationship with a boy that I knew from high school.  It was a young, sweet, innocent love then. We were in plays together, hung out often, enjoyed the same kind of music, and were simply infatuated with each other.

As time went on and high school became college, our relationship changed and I started to realize how different the two of us really were.  I began to see all the little compromises I had made to stay with this person, and how all those compromises grew into lies, and how the lies had become shame and how I ran from God to try and hide from and ignore the truth.  I was broken and hurt, but stuck in a place I never imagined I'd be. It was during this time, fall 2007, when I found out I had a brain tumor.

For 10+ years I had been having numbness in my right hand, but thought it nothing more than nerve damage from a small wrist surgery I had had when I was younger.  In reality, those moments of numbness and tingling were small seizures caused by a golf-ball sized tumor in the left side of my brain.  

In college, due to higher levels of stress, less sleep, and the emotional tole of a rocky relationship, the odd numbness traveled into my whole right arm, leg, and side of my face.  Something was wrong.

An MRI of my brain was ordered and the tumor was discovered.

This time of my life, though very special, is equally foggy in my memory.  I recall very few specific moments outside of the weekly visits to the hospital or prayerful, sleepless nights in bed. Everyday, the tumor would grow and with it, my seizures.  I would go numb, freeze up and black out.  I would loose track of time quite literally.  The tumor was impeding on an area of my brain where short term memory, emotion, and fine motor skills is stored, as well as a major artery.

I remember walking to the family room in my house to see my mother sitting on the couch. Then, in the blink of an eye, or faster, she was suddenly standing in front of me, worried and shouting: asking if I was alright. I lied and said of course i was- I was immediately angry and confused, not knowing what to do or what was happening to my mind and body.  My mom knew it was a seizure and hugged me as I struggled to understand. That was one of the scariest moments that I can remember.

The strongest and truest memory I have of that time is the great comfort the Lord gave to me.  I remember feeling, immediately, the sovereignty of God. I said aloud that He was in control of everything happening to me, my family, and everyone else on the planet.  I was carried and comforted by that and truly surrendered myself to God's will.  

I came clean and wept for joy at the grace and mercy of Jesus' love and sacrifice for me, a sinner. I wept at the truth that I am forgiven and new in the sight of God. I'm blameless despite everything I've done because of the cross. I remembered who I am and what God has created me to do and become.  I praised Him for the tumor I had. I praised Him for the wake up call.  I praised him for pulling me back into his everlasting arms. I knew that If I died before or during surgery, it would be alright. I knew I would be going home.

Of course, as you suspect, the surgery I had in June 2008 went miraculously well.  The tumor was not cancerous and was able to be removed without causing any damage to my brain or the artery it surrounded. God held me and my family- provided the right doctors and medical team- and made everything work together for good.  I'll forever be thankful for that time in my life. The renewal it brought and the wisdom I gained- I'm still rewarded by new truths and understandings from that time to this day.

Now about Andrew... haha oooooh Andrew. Well he just dropped out of the sky straight into my heart. Seriously. We met at a church small group about a month or so after my surgery. I immediately felt so comfortable around Andrew.  There was no pressure to be mature or funny or smart or good at things... haha I could just be easy going and have fun with him.  I remember not being able to control my giggles when I would sit next to him during Bible study. I'm sure we distracted some, but I was just so naturally happy when being around him.

We became friends, and honestly that's what we were. I had just gotten out of a relationship and only wanted to focus on God's plan and school. I wasn't interested in dating or boys or boyfriends or anything of the sort. I just wanted to glorify God through friendship and thats what Andrew and I did.

As time went on, our group of friends began to do more social outings and fun hangouts. The more time we spent together, the more my crush on Andrew began to show and reveal itself to me. In September of 2010 we finally had our first date and by that November we were a couple.

I remember holding his hand for the first time- he used the excuse that we were crossing the street, so for safety, he needed my hand. But in his, I felt at home. I felt warm, valued and just plain good. It was unlike anything I had ever felt before and I knew I never wanted to be without that again.

I've learned so much in the time of our relationship.  God has softened me while giving me courage to take part in our twosome so to not make any compromises.  Andrew tells me he wants to love me like Christ loves the church.  He has shown me a love completely foreign to what I have ever experienced in a romantic relationship. It is new and right and pure.  

I feel like I've found my other half. We get each other so well sometimes its kinda scary :)

I love being with Andrew and I'm so incredibly grateful for him.

This past April, he proposed to me. I cried and shook and asked him over and over again if it was for real. gosh, I still wonder if he's real sometimes. I swear someday, he'll reveal that he's some super robot dream man or something... lol

I said yes, of course- I've said yes so many times in my mind and in my dreams. I love him so. I will love him. I've made a choice, a promise, and will always strive to be there for him and with him.

God has laid such a sound foundation for us...gosh I'm so thankful.

AND I'M SO EXCITED TO BE GETTING MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!!

blog #1- in yo face!