tangible literals

Ellen here:)

For this entry, I decided to make more of an up-to-date post explaining where Andrew and I are in this crazy process of not only planning a beautiful wedding, but also where we are in the process of preparing to share the rest of our lives together! pretty big stuff. I'm not sure if one post can handle it!

Lets start with the the tangible.

There were two things about the wedding Andrew and I knew we had to figure out first; that was when it would be and where it would take place. 

The question of when depended on many factors: my college schedule/graduation, family convenience, financial practicality... lets just say there were lots of logistics buzzing around each of our heads. it was like trying to do a 1,000 piece jigsaw puzzle with a blind fold on- just feeling around, desperately trying to find a corner piece to build off from. It was quite the challenge. We would pick a date that seemed to be perfect and fit all the necessities. I'd obsess about it and put it in emails, and invitation and save the date designs (yes, we're going to try and make our own invitations. more posts to come on that, I'm sure!). Then, sure enough, we'd discover some obvious reason why the date couldn't possibly work (usually by the next day). This went on for what seemed to be forever. But looking back, it probably only took about week or two to figure out- haha

The question of where was a little bit trickier to consider, because with where comes how. Keep in mind- where and when were being decided simultaneously. (stressed spelled backwards spells desserts- can I get a witness?! lol)

Now, we were trying to be smart about the location decision. We were focusing on thinking economically not only for ourselves but for our families and friends as well. Most of our intended guests live out of state. So once again, many ideas were swirling up in the air. 

blindfolds on, puzzle thrown on the floor- go find it, then put it together. that's what i was thinking.

Should we have the wedding here in Florida? Andrew's hometown up north? Further up north in between Andrew's family and mine? That was the first hurdle to overcome when considering where the wedding will be. We didn't want to offend our loved ones or to make our wedding inconvenient or troublesome to get to, but all along, it only made sense to be be married where our adult lives took root. Where God allowed Andy and I to meet, grow as friends, fall in and promise to love... Our wedding will be a reflection us and of the new life we will create together. Florida here we stay!

Once that was decided (phew!) the real where was needed to be found and quickly found too! I was amazed at how far in advance people book wedding locations now- amazed and then frightened beyond all belief! haha- okay, i'm being dramatic. but seriously... there were tears of "AAAAAHHH!!" happening quite frequently around this early stage in our planning.

We looked at churches, chapels, a barn, a historical plantation, neighborhood community centers, beaches, beach houses, hotels, state parks, (all on Saturdays, by the way, due to work and school schedules- which made for some awkward wedding crashing situations haha) and a really big tree before we finally found just the right spot for our ceremony, and then reception too! 

God certainly provided as well as showed me how silly my fears had been... He's got it all figured out and as long as Andrew and I trust in Him, our wedding and marriage will be just wonderful. We just have to work on the trusting part :)

so those were the first two big tangible literals! more to come soon! AH!!

Engagement!

So, you might be asking, or perhaps you are not, how did Andrew ask Ellen to marry him? Well, I am going to tell you, whether you want to know or not. Let me start out by saying I knew for a long time that I wanted to marry her, I knew after a few months that I was going to ask her. The only problem was I did not have sufficient money for a ring. I made numerous adjustments in my life, like trading in my Tacoma for a more practical car. I developed a budget and I started thinking about how I spent my money. By Christmas I was debt free, hooray! After that I began saving for a ring and I started getting serious with Ellen about my intentions. She was also getting serious about her intentions on wanting me to ask her lol. Our conversations about marriage began to get heated up and she could tell I was pretty serious about our relationship. I began to ask her about rings as well as the styles she liked, it was pretty conspicuous. One day we were watching something on her computer and she told me there was a picture on her computer that she wanted me to see, what could it be? It was her DREAM ring of course! I think all the girls understand what I am talking about. It was quite a ring, it looked dazzling, I kind of wanted it for myself. I do not think Ellen looked at the price tag though, still a dream is a dream :) I decided to look around at the nearby shops to see if I could save any money. I could not find the ring in the picture and truly nothing else compared to it, just like Ellen. I had a decision to make….I could buy her a different ring or spend the money on the one she desired. It was a no brainer, Ellen is the girl of my dreams and I wanted her to have that ring. I knew God would help me pay for it. I engineered a schedule to pay for it in three months. I purchased the ring online and waited with anticipation. The miraculous thing was I received a bonus the following day which covered the ring expense :) Now, I had to wait, it said 7-14 days for delivery. I could not wait, I was so anxious! I began working on a plan for the engagement.  I also, met with Ellen's Dad and let him understand my intentions, her parents were so excited! I had so many ideas, so many thoughts. I needed it to be special. I came up with the idea to visit Cumberland Island, a secluded Island that was only accessible by boat. They have a ferry that transports you to and from the Island.  So, I had the plan, I had the ring, I had Ellen's attention. Now we just needed to embark. Well, here comes the difficulties. The first weekend I hoped to go, it rained all day. What a bummer! The following weekend, I caught a serious cold and could not make it out of bed. I was beginning to wonder if we would ever get engaged. Meanwhile, I kept telling Ellen we were going on an adventure day. Finally, April 7, 2012, it was time to catch a ferry and get to Cumberland Island. I woke up that morning and packed a lunch for me and Ellen. The island has no food or drinks available you have to bring everything on to the Island. The ferry was leaving at 11:00 AM, so I wanted to make sure we got there on time. I picked her up and told her not to forget the black & white camera. Oh yeah, the "black & white camera", I gave her two disposable cameras for our first Christmas. We used one of them in St. Augustine and I told her to save the other one for a special occasion. I decided a long time ago that no matter how I asked her to marry me, we would use that camera on that day. So, here we go, off to Cumberland Island. We get there, really early, I wanted to make sure we did not miss the ferry ;) We walked up to the counter and the attendant said "did you make any reservations". Reservations? AHHHHHH! Reservations! He put us on the stand by list, that meant we could only get on if somebody did not show up. I was crushed. I was panicking. Ellen did not understand. She's like "no big deal, we can do something else". I am like "NO, WE ARE GETTING ON THIS ISLAND, I DON'T CARE IF WE HAVE TO SWIM!". Fortunately, somebody did not show up (thanks God). We get to the Island, it's such a beautiful day. Cumberland Island has wild horses and a very old mansion. It was such a magical place. After walking around for a while we head to the beach. We set up our blanket and unpack our lunch. Half way through eating, Ellen is starting to realize perhaps Andrew brought me here for something special. She starts probing me on why we came here and why did we bring the B&W camera. I said calmly, "for an adventure day". I then asked her if she wanted to go for a walk. We start walking and then I remember that I cannot forget the camera, so I run back, really I needed to get the ring in my pocket, I think it was pretty slick. I meet her and we continue walking. I am so nervous and excited, she has no idea. We were joking around and then I stopped her. I began telling her how much she means to me, and how she is the girl for me. She then starts crying and I mean CRYING! She holds on to me so tight, I do not think I was breathing lol. Finally, I am like, "Ellen you got to let me go, because I need to do something". I get down on one knee and I ask Ellen to be my wife. Looking up at her and beholding my future wife was the greatest moment in my life, I could not put into words how Ellen makes me feel and how happy she makes me.  Well, there is the story. This is not the end though, it's only the beginning of the wonderful journey God has us on. Thanks for reading!

 

hello

My name is Ellen. 

I'm tall, a bit unusual, an art student, a lover of music, a follower of Christ, prone to have paint in my hair, attracted to cuteness, super good at super nintendo, and I don't eat meat...a few things to help break the ice. I'm also newly engaged to the love of my life and have pretty much made permanent residence on cloud nine because of it. 

He's everything I've dreamed of and searched for. He's my prince, my heartthrob, my only one and only. :) I am smitten. the fork is in me- I am done! I have swooned and I have fallen, and I continue to plummet deeper and deeper in love with every moment I spend with or think of my Andy.

I know, I know- the way I'm describing everything is a little bit too corny and cliche, and probably kinda nauseating... but honestly I am not fudging this. I am so thankful and thrilled to have Andrew.  He is unlike anyone I've ever dated, let alone ever known.  To me, he shines and glows, and is set apart from everyone else.  Its like God put a big, floating neon arrow above his head that only I can see, pointing that he's the one. haha that's a funny picture...

I want to tell about how he found me, how God brought us together, and the wonder that has sprung from our relationship so far, but first, I'll say a little about me.

I'm the quiet type. Now, you gotta be careful with the quiet type. They think and ponder and stew and let thoughts generate and grow until they combust or self implode. So, to combat this quietness, God gave me gifts, skills, and incredible interest in the world of art. Art, music, theatre and just general creativity have been vessels of growth in my life.  

I learned math by singing, how to read through drawing, and how to play and interact with others through simple theatre and make believe. Each linked with the next.

I was home schooled when I was young. Some say that that is the reason for my quiet and shy nature. That since I was home schooled, I relied on my mother an family to speak and interact with the world for me (which well, I did... lol)  but I say it is the reason for all my good grades and ease in learning and academic success once I attended public school. My mother knew who I was and understood the little mind God gave me, and taught me accordingly.

As I grew, my quietness dwindled from the painfully shy little girl who wouldn't say a word to anyone outside her family to the reserved funny, smart girl who would come out of her shell once the radio came on. Its funny, looking back at where you came... many things never change.

In high school and college, my shyness pretty much evaporated.  I went to an art school and studied the fine and performing arts.  I was incredibly secure in my abilities as an artist, my position as a young woman, and my identity as a Christian. But I still had some growing left to do.

In my first years of college, I was in a relationship with a boy that I knew from high school.  It was a young, sweet, innocent love then. We were in plays together, hung out often, enjoyed the same kind of music, and were simply infatuated with each other.

As time went on and high school became college, our relationship changed and I started to realize how different the two of us really were.  I began to see all the little compromises I had made to stay with this person, and how all those compromises grew into lies, and how the lies had become shame and how I ran from God to try and hide from and ignore the truth.  I was broken and hurt, but stuck in a place I never imagined I'd be. It was during this time, fall 2007, when I found out I had a brain tumor.

For 10+ years I had been having numbness in my right hand, but thought it nothing more than nerve damage from a small wrist surgery I had had when I was younger.  In reality, those moments of numbness and tingling were small seizures caused by a golf-ball sized tumor in the left side of my brain.  

In college, due to higher levels of stress, less sleep, and the emotional tole of a rocky relationship, the odd numbness traveled into my whole right arm, leg, and side of my face.  Something was wrong.

An MRI of my brain was ordered and the tumor was discovered.

This time of my life, though very special, is equally foggy in my memory.  I recall very few specific moments outside of the weekly visits to the hospital or prayerful, sleepless nights in bed. Everyday, the tumor would grow and with it, my seizures.  I would go numb, freeze up and black out.  I would loose track of time quite literally.  The tumor was impeding on an area of my brain where short term memory, emotion, and fine motor skills is stored, as well as a major artery.

I remember walking to the family room in my house to see my mother sitting on the couch. Then, in the blink of an eye, or faster, she was suddenly standing in front of me, worried and shouting: asking if I was alright. I lied and said of course i was- I was immediately angry and confused, not knowing what to do or what was happening to my mind and body.  My mom knew it was a seizure and hugged me as I struggled to understand. That was one of the scariest moments that I can remember.

The strongest and truest memory I have of that time is the great comfort the Lord gave to me.  I remember feeling, immediately, the sovereignty of God. I said aloud that He was in control of everything happening to me, my family, and everyone else on the planet.  I was carried and comforted by that and truly surrendered myself to God's will.  

I came clean and wept for joy at the grace and mercy of Jesus' love and sacrifice for me, a sinner. I wept at the truth that I am forgiven and new in the sight of God. I'm blameless despite everything I've done because of the cross. I remembered who I am and what God has created me to do and become.  I praised Him for the tumor I had. I praised Him for the wake up call.  I praised him for pulling me back into his everlasting arms. I knew that If I died before or during surgery, it would be alright. I knew I would be going home.

Of course, as you suspect, the surgery I had in June 2008 went miraculously well.  The tumor was not cancerous and was able to be removed without causing any damage to my brain or the artery it surrounded. God held me and my family- provided the right doctors and medical team- and made everything work together for good.  I'll forever be thankful for that time in my life. The renewal it brought and the wisdom I gained- I'm still rewarded by new truths and understandings from that time to this day.

Now about Andrew... haha oooooh Andrew. Well he just dropped out of the sky straight into my heart. Seriously. We met at a church small group about a month or so after my surgery. I immediately felt so comfortable around Andrew.  There was no pressure to be mature or funny or smart or good at things... haha I could just be easy going and have fun with him.  I remember not being able to control my giggles when I would sit next to him during Bible study. I'm sure we distracted some, but I was just so naturally happy when being around him.

We became friends, and honestly that's what we were. I had just gotten out of a relationship and only wanted to focus on God's plan and school. I wasn't interested in dating or boys or boyfriends or anything of the sort. I just wanted to glorify God through friendship and thats what Andrew and I did.

As time went on, our group of friends began to do more social outings and fun hangouts. The more time we spent together, the more my crush on Andrew began to show and reveal itself to me. In September of 2010 we finally had our first date and by that November we were a couple.

I remember holding his hand for the first time- he used the excuse that we were crossing the street, so for safety, he needed my hand. But in his, I felt at home. I felt warm, valued and just plain good. It was unlike anything I had ever felt before and I knew I never wanted to be without that again.

I've learned so much in the time of our relationship.  God has softened me while giving me courage to take part in our twosome so to not make any compromises.  Andrew tells me he wants to love me like Christ loves the church.  He has shown me a love completely foreign to what I have ever experienced in a romantic relationship. It is new and right and pure.  

I feel like I've found my other half. We get each other so well sometimes its kinda scary :)

I love being with Andrew and I'm so incredibly grateful for him.

This past April, he proposed to me. I cried and shook and asked him over and over again if it was for real. gosh, I still wonder if he's real sometimes. I swear someday, he'll reveal that he's some super robot dream man or something... lol

I said yes, of course- I've said yes so many times in my mind and in my dreams. I love him so. I will love him. I've made a choice, a promise, and will always strive to be there for him and with him.

God has laid such a sound foundation for us...gosh I'm so thankful.

AND I'M SO EXCITED TO BE GETTING MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!!

blog #1- in yo face!

the beginning....

Okay okay, here we go, the first blog post of my life. Ellen and I have decided to blog our wedding plans and adventures this coming year. We are going to alternate writing a blog post each week. That should make it humorous, or at least I hope it will. This post will be our story from my point of view. I'm not going to give every detail just the important stuff. Well, where to start? I guess at the beginning, huh? 

"A LONG TIME AGO IN A GALAXY FAR FAR AWAY".....just kidding. Moving to Florida in 05', I never expected to be where I'm at today. To be engaged. To have the job I have. To have the church family I have. To have my sins forgiven. To...well you get the picture. None of the plans that I had back then have worked out. Looking at my life, you could say it has been a huge disaster, and in a way it has been. 
The world says "you are the master of your fate, the Captain of your soul", well, I just don't believe that. I thought I was the Captain for awhile. I thought I had the course of direction. The compass bearings were set, but winds and storms were blowing me off course. I found myself shipwrecked and lost without anywhere to go. No matter how hard I tried to pick myself up, I would fall back down. I said, "I can do this, I just need to try harder", but the harder I tried, the harder I fell. Finally, after all my strength was gone, I realized something. I don't have the strength. I don't have the direction. I can't be a captain or a master. I need somebody to take control, someone who knows what they are doing. I need someone who can guide me through the storms, who can lead me safely through the night.

I grew up in church, but always thought of Christianity as being something you did. Something you had control of. Something you could choose to be. But then I realized...I couldn't do it...I couldn't be the master of my fate. I couldn't be the captain. CHRIST is the Master! CHRIST is the one who leads! The One who guides. I surrendered myself to Christ and suddenly I had a new beginning. So, I guess this story has two beginnings, here's the second...

Now for a new beginning. It's funny how things seem lost and out of control and then suddenly new again. I can see now- See with new eyes and a new heart. I quickly start growing and changing. I find a church where I belong. I find people there that help me mature. God is working every situation for good. He's teaching me wisdom and truth. He's teaching me how to love- Love the way He loves. I make friends that will last a lifetime. Friends that care. And then I meet a girl. And oh what a girl she is. After being friends for quite sometime, I ask her out. It's weird, but from that very first date, I knew I wanted to be with her. I knew that God had His hands in this. He was once again leading me down a new path. And then, a test. Ellen had brain surgery in 08' and had a tumor removed. God graciously brought her through that. But then during a routine MRI, the doctors said the tumor had come back. They said it was the same size as the previous tumor. They would need to do another surgery. We had only been dating for a month.

I remember after she told me, I immediately prayed. I didn't want her to go through this. I prayed that God would take it away. I even prayed for God to give it to me because she had already been through this. I could see her strength and faith in coming weeks and how she trusted God. She was scared but she knew God was in control.

I would drop her off at night and then drive home. I would get really emotional on the way and would just pray that God would take the tumor away. Well... two weeks before the surgery the doctors were reviewing her MRI scans and realized that they were looking at old scans from 2008. Scans before her surgery. Ellen didn't have a tumor.

Was this a Miracle? I don't know, but my prayers were answered and Ellen wouldn't have to suffer. This was quite a test for a new relationship but God was building a foundation- A foundation that could last a life time.  A couple weeks ago, I asked Ellen to be my wife. She is, no doubt, the girl of my dreams, the girl I have been waiting for.

One of my favorite bible verses is: "Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand." Proverbs 19:21. This verse reminds me that God is in control that He is the One guiding and directing. God is the Master of my fate and the Captain of my Soul. He is the One holding the compass and leading me in the right direction. So what's next in this saga? Well, I don't know, but whatever it is God has it under control.